Shit My Dad Says

Justin is a 28-year-old who lives with his 73-year-old father and writes down all the funny stuff he says. Then he ‘tweets’ it to a Twitter thing. If you don’t mind incredibly foul language, here are some excerpts:

“Your mother made a batch of meatballs last night. Some are for you, some are for me, but more are for me. Remember that. More. Me.”

“Love this Mrs. Dash. The bitch can make spices… Jesus, Joni (my mom) it’s a joke. I was making a joke! Mrs. Dash isn’t even real dammit!”

“The dog is not bored, it’s a fucking dog. It’s not like he’s waiting for me to give him a fucking rubix cube. He’s a god damned dog.”

“You need to flush the toilet more than once…No, YOU, YOU specifically need to. You know what, use a different toilet. This is my toilet.”

shitmydadsays [Twitter]

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